I don’t know about you, but to me August is simply a month to drag yourself through until at last fall finally comes and brings with it some refreshing days! In view of that, I thought I’d offer all of you who feel the same a little early refreshment to help you make it through. The following statements about Biblical characters were written by elementary school children. They definitely offer a fresh perspective.
To begin with, there is this assessment made by one child: “The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.” Is there any parent on earth who would disagree? Speaking of Joshua, another child wrote that “Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.” AARP versus Generation X, perhaps?
And then there was the prickly situation Solomon found himself in, according to one youngster: “Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.” On the subject of wives, evidently Lot had his hands full because, as one young Biblical scholar tells it, “Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.”
If you have ever wondered where the idea for those little unleavened communion wafers came from, here’s the source: “Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made un-leavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.” I guess that’s why they don’t have any taste to them. But what happened to the Egyptians who were chasing “the Hebrews”? Well, a little known historical fact, unearthed by one child, is that the “Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.” Hmm, it sounds like something that could have happened at a Lutheran potluck dinner in Minnesota when somebody accidently spilled the Jell- O. But that’s not the end of the story. “Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.” So that’s why the Israelites wouldn’t go near that mountain! Clearly, you shouldn’t go messing with the commandments. Moreover, discovering that the commandments are not to be amended can be a bitter pill to swallow.
And now on to a holy mystery finally explained: “Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.” Well, that certainly explains it, all right. And if you also find it a bit mysterious why Christians are not always very kind, here’s a possible reason: “Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.” Did Jesus know any politicians perhaps?
Finally, two for the No Comment Department: “Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.” And: “Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.”
May God grace your days in August with holy laughter and refresh you with child-like wonder and joy.
God be with you,