November 30, 2022
Me One Versus Me Two Yet Again: A Prayer
O Lord, it’s Me One versus Me Two yet again, because
yet again I’ve contracted pneumonia and
every time I get pneumonia it becomes
Me One versus Me Two;
Me One
the positive one,
full of hope and strength and resolve,
the “Yes I can one” constantly reminding me
that I’ve come through it before,
encouraging me on;
Me Two
the negative one,
full of despair and weakness and questioning,
the “No I can’t one” constantly tormenting me
with thoughts of what it takes to do anything,
discouraging me from
even trying;
in the past,
no contest,
Me One
silencing
Me Two;
but this time
different,
Me Two
more powerful;
and so,
scary
because
cancer so mental,
attitude everything,
right thoughts rightly thought
so important;
scary
because
if Me Two
overcomes
Me One
then it’s over,
no hope to keep me hoping,
no strength to keep me fighting,
no resolve to keep me determined;
scary
because
for the first time
not sure
if Me One
can overcome
Me Two;
so tired of hearing
Me One saying,
“If you have to start over, then start over!”
“So what if you’re exhausted, push through it!”
“If you can’t walk 15 steps without gasping
for breath, walk 10 more!”
“Keep doing more for yourself!”
“Think about what can do, not what can’t!”
“See self well again, enjoying family again,
preaching again!”
And
tell Me Two to knock it off;
tell the cancer it doesn’t
stand a chance;
tell death he got’s a
long wait;
But then,
Me Two saying,
“You can’t start over, it’s too much, too hard.”
“You’re bone-tired – it’s the immunotherapy,
the pneumonia, the lungs, so
there’s no fighting it.”
“Why keep gasping for breath?
Why put yourself through the terror of being unable to breathe?
Just sit there.”
“You can’t do more for
yourself, so don’t try.”
“There’s so much you can
no longer do,
live with it.”
“Who’s
kidding who,
not going to make it to
next Christmas,
so why not relax and
enjoy this
last Christmas?”
And
tell Me One to give it up;
tell the caner you’ll accept what comes;
tell death that you’re okay with it whenever.”
And scary,
because starting to listen
more and more to Me Two.
O Lord, I have a feeling that it’s not just me but
all of us, cancer or not;
grief maybe, or loneliness, or struggles of another kind;
who knows,
know only
that so hard sometimes
to hold on,
to hang tough,
to hope against hope;
strength failing,
resolve weakening,
tired of fighting,
Me Two prevailing,
leaving a Me not defeated,
but worn out,
and waiting.
O Lord, the hope we can muster on our own, the strength
we can marshal on our own, the resolve we can
manage to find on our own,
is not enough;
we need a
hope and strength and resolve
that comes from beyond us,
that comes from you;
and that is my prayer,
that you would grace us with
a hope that does not fail,
a strength that does not grow faint,
a resolve that does not weaken;
so that
we have
a Me
that
perseveres in the face of hard realities,
persists against all that seeks to undo us,
prevails over all that tries to take us down;
a Me
of faith and
love for you.
O Lord, there are so many who are so tired of fighting and
feel like letting go, many who are ill or suffering or
dying or grieving or lost or alone or at the end
of their rope; or those who are hungry
or homeless or refuges in search of
sanctuary;
heal them,
comfort and console them,
accompany them with your love and through us
let them find a friend, help, food, a home,
a safe haven.
O Lord, whenever I come down with pneumonia, up comes
Me Two,
good old
“Mister You Don’t Stand a Chance,”
“Mister You Don’t Have a Prayer,”
“Mister You’re Toast and You Know It”;
up comes
Me Two
to take on
Me One,
a Me
that is rather tired and weak and frazzled at the moment,
and so I have a favor to ask, Lord, and the favor is
that you do the honors and take care of
Me Two for me, and all the other
Me Twos out there,
so that
once again we can be
the Me we want to be,
the Me
that chooses
life and joy and laughter
in the midst of,
whatever we face.
Amen.