Wednesday, August 12, 2020
O Lord, I Believe; Help My Unbelief! A Prayer
O Lord, I believe;
help
my unbelief!
Or should that be “we”?
Or is it only me?
Then again, I can name more than a few who wouldn’t
disagree with “we”.
And so,
we believe;
help
our unbelief!
Because
even though you tell us
not to fear,
not to be afraid,
not to be anxious or worried but to be
at peace,
we do fear,
we are afraid,
we are anxious and worried and have little or
no peace
(we just can’t help it).
Will she get the virus?
Will he?
Will they?
Some friend?
Some member?
And me, will I get it?
The fear
always there;
being afraid
our best friend;
anxiety and worry
our constant companions,
some worrying if they can pay their bills,
some worrying if they can afford food,
some worrying about their children returning to school,
some anxious about their jobs,
some anxious about
everything,
the virus,
the turmoil,
the future.
Overreacting?
Some days I wonder.
But then the reality again,
a reality too real to be anything but real.
And so,
no peace,
no peace down deep inside,
at least, not for me
(or is “me” another “we”?).
Trying to sleep,
imagining
gatekeepers
guarding the gate to my mind;
patrols
patrolling the perimeter of my brain;
sentries
set in place surveying the scene inside my head;
all trying
to keep
intruders from intruding,
invaders from invading,
interlopers from interloping,
but to no avail,
stealthy thoughts stealing in;
but no matter,
my mind a minefield,
buried images and memories and feelings and
fears and worries and anxieties
exploding,
a stray thought straying,
setting them off.
O Lord, we believe;
help
our unbelief!
Help us to
believe enough to
believe that even if we let go of you,
you
never let go of us,
that you will respond to us,
even if all we come to you with
is unbelief
that wants
to believe;
believe that like a parent holding a child in a storm,
you hold us
and your love will calm our fears
like a parent’s love
calms a child’s fears,
that in your arms
we are secure;
believe that you are our shield and our strength,
our shield,
our strength,
against all that causes us to be afraid,
against all that seeks to undo us,
against all that threatens;
believe that you are our rock,
the only solid ground
there is
in a culture built on sand and
so easily swept away,
that
to build our lives on you
is to have a confidence like no other,
the confidence
that nothing can finally sweep us away
from you;
believe that you are with us,
there
in all things
working your purpose,
seeing us through,
all things possible in your presence and power –
the peace
of that.
And, Lord, while you’re at it, keep reminding us of all
the good people
doing good things
for the good of so many –
donating food, packing food, delivering food,
offering emotional, financial, spiritual
support,
good people giving of themselves in so many ways.
Remind us
because
it really helps with that unbelief business,
remembering
that there are good people,
that we ourselves can be good and kind people,
that there is hope.
And, Lord, remind us of something else because
for months now
it’s been numbers, numbers, numbers,
but the virus
isn’t numbers,
it’s people,
old and young alike,
and it can be deadly,
and it has been deadly,
especially to older, at risk people who know that
if they get it, they’re gone.
And so,
remind us of the people and to pray for
the people who have the virus
the people who care for them,
the people who are dying,
the people who mourn,
the people working on developing a vaccine.
Heal them! Sustain them! Comfort them! Console them! Guide them!
And remind us always
to pray for our nation,
that we come together, work together, build a more
perfect union.
And, Lord, one last thing: laughter.
Grace our days
with laughter,
even when, especially when,
there seems to be little to laugh about,
not the mean laughter that laughs at someone else,
but the lovely laughter that laughs away,
just for a moment,
fear and worry and anxiety,
and just for a moment,
not so afraid,
at peace,
the laughter of unbelief becoming belief.
Amen.